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Group: FAIR WARNING!! Hurt my child, and I will kill you, slowly, and painfully…

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. March 17, 2009 12:40 am

    Hi this blog is great I will be recommending it to friends.

  2. March 24, 2009 3:09 pm

    Me too.

    I can only assume the author of this site is some sort of comic genius.

    Is there any way I could become your friend? I’d be willing to run errands and stuff.

    Let me know,

    Ian Smith

  3. legrubber permalink
    March 25, 2009 3:13 am

    you boys are jokers!
    for making me chuckle

  4. March 25, 2009 2:14 pm


    I dont remember writing that last comment?

    But its my name, so I must have?

    Im very confused.

    Im sure I wrote something about Sir Joseph Fritzle?

    [edit]: Why do I end every sentence in question marks? Weird. Must be making up for all the apostrophes I forgo. My name’s Ian and I’m a cock-a-holic.

  5. McFish permalink
    May 4, 2009 11:37 pm

    Very good work Sir. I also think that the first comment by that ‘Craig’ chap was rather fine also. Peace x

  6. May 18, 2009 3:00 pm

    Hah! I’d forgotten about that one.

    Love your film reviews btw.

  7. Heidi Woodham permalink
    June 26, 2009 5:51 pm

    Creator of the above group here…Heidi Woodham.

    So, are you saying I’m a troll because I’ve set up a Facebook group to say how I feel on something, because I wouldn’t say it to someone’s face?

    Interesting point, although you are mistaken if you that’s the correct interpretation of it. I’m still trying to understand the term Trolling…

    • June 26, 2009 8:07 pm

      Nice to have you on the site, Heidi.

      You misunderstand- I’m not saying you’re a troll. I’m the troll.

      You are the paranoid mother who thinks people are out to get their child.

      Really, your child has more chance of winning the lottery than getting attacked by a random stranger. That guy in the park that stoops down to tie his shoes a little too close to the swings for your liking- the truth is he’s probably just tying his shoes. But the rampant, slavering suspicion thrown around by parents like those on your group is what keeps good men away from teaching our kids.

      Hopefully this goes some way to explaining why I hate it.

      I’m sure you would say it to their face. If someone harmed my child I would probably harm them too. Badly. But we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it, and in the meantime it is unlikely to feature in my fantasies. What disturbs me is that it seems to do so with people like you.

      Think of trolling as winding people up.

  8. Heidi Woodham permalink
    July 1, 2009 5:01 pm

    [the following post has been heavily curtailed to save on bandwidth. And slightly edited to save on boredom]

    I understand trolling now.

    Some people can walk through life unaffected by social issues around them. They can look at the Baby P case and take the piss out of or turn it around and lash out at the genuine members of the public who are disgusted that it happened. However, a majority of the population can not turn a blind eye.

    A LOT of people have every right to be suspicious about the man tying his shoes a little too close to the swings. After all, there’s a whole fucking park out there that’s NOT close to the swings that he could have walked through….

    Blah blah blah, any male in the park is a paedophile, gays go home to your own country and stop recruiting our English pound. Pakis out, save Madeline McCann from the invasion of Polish dole-scroungers that come to our country, take all our women, shag all our jobs… Kids today don’t know they’re born… blah blah blah…

    There are more children out there abused by teachers than there are lottery winners. There are more children abused by members of churches, than there are lottery winners out there. I think the lottery was a bad example. That’s like a 1 in 100,000 million chance. I wish abuse had that sort of statistic!

    You and I are so lucky to live in countries that allow free speech. But that offer does not extend only to those who have little to contribute to society except to verbally abuse people around them.

    I think trolling in the way you do it, is nothing more than verbal abuse and a violation of others rights. Trolling can be funny, god knows I’ve done it. I’ve joined groups to irritate other people, but I’ve never threatened or abused any individual.

    There’s being the devils advocate mate, and then there’s just being the devil. Humourous as it may be to many people, it’s obviously not to others.

    I doubt half the things you say in the groups are things you would say to individuals in real life (but that’s the point of trolling right? To say and do the things you’ll never actually have the balls to do in real life….just for a laugh). If you think that you would say them with any sense of sincerity, I’m happy to put that to the test if you live in the Uk… I’m also happy to do it in the middle of the high street. Would be interesting to see who gets lynched, as I doubt half the people listening to or watching our discussion would appreciate that you are ‘just having a laugh’…

    • August 9, 2009 3:54 pm

      An excellent and well-thought out post, Heidi.

      You managed to include references to Baby P, voilating other people’s ‘human right’ not to be annoyed and an accusation that I am the devil. You even droppped in the classic say-it-to-my-face line. Well done. There were a couple you missed, but I added them in the middle for you, as I’m sure you just forgot.

      Teachers are not random strangers, Heidi. They’re teachers. Unless you’re implying that it’s teachers who stalk through the parks looking for random victims.

      You and everybody else has a human right to fuck-all, I’m afraid. There are no such things as rights, just a bunch of people doing what they want or think they should, and a subsection of them being outraged at the others. People like you who think their own ‘rights’ include the right to remove other people’s rights when what they do offends them.

      Think it through, Woodham. I’ll see you at my lynching.

  9. Heidi Woodham permalink
    February 21, 2010 12:31 am

    I won’t presume that you don’t have children, just because you can’t understand a mother or fathers desperation to protect their child from obvious evils in the world. Maybe you do have kids? Maybe you are the pervert steadfastly defending your own? Maybe your mother didn’t love you enough. Maybe she’s dead now so you’ll never really know because you didn’t ask when she was alive. I haven’t got an effing clue.

    What I do know, is that contrary to your verbal disbelief that human rights don’t exist (hell, this isn’t Burma, or whatever they are calling themselves these days), you are expressing ‘your rights’ as much as I am expressing mine.

    I do have rights, as outlined by your bloody stupid government. If I were a hate preacher, I’d had MORE rights than YOU, because I’d be a minority. One of the persecuted. And I’d be paid handsomly for your governors ignorance, or fear, yeah, it’s more than likely fear of some sort.

    I had the right to remove you from my group. If that’s what I did, I can’t remember. That right was given to me by Facebook when they allowed me to own a group. That’s so cool isn’t it? This blog site gives YOU the right to amend, moderate, reject or delete my posts. Or would you still like to be adamant that you have no rights and let me make that decision for you? Password and username please!

    I am fully aware of your context that no one has any rights. That’s a bit philosophical and theoretical really. Maybe a topic for one of those late night loser ‘let’s talk about the issue’ shows.

    People aren’t suing and winning millions because they have no rights. Someone, somewhere, decided to give away some basic rights. That stupid fucker even decided to put those rights in writing. And as a result, I think some of the Joe Bloggs running around with millions in their pocket from breached rights…they might be having the last laught.

    • March 1, 2010 9:46 pm

      Heidi, it has been a genuine pleasure to watch the tattered fabric of your mind unravel in such a public way.
      I tried to respond to your post, but the only part that made sense in any language I am conversant in was:

      “I haven’t got an effing clue.”

      True dat.

  10. David permalink
    June 3, 2010 1:59 am

    It’s been a true pleasure to read your posts on this site. You are a pioneer in the field. I shall be following your posts as you frolic through the internet digging up ways to give us all a good laugh. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go back to masturbating to dead kittens with a broom-handle. It is, after all, Wednesday night.

  11. David Atpower permalink
    December 25, 2010 10:09 pm

    Heidi loves being a bigot a troll a bully and a hypocrite, its her favourite role as a moderator on the Newbury Freegle site isnt it Heid.

    Trolling can be funny, god knows I’ve done it. I’ve joined groups to irritate other people. your only supposed to use one ID on freecycle/freegle aren’t you, and yes you are a bully, you have bullied many on those sites as a moderator because you get a kick out of a bit of power.

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